Wrathful grapes, even.

…

Thank you for your time and consideration in this matter.

Very Respectfully,

Tooth

(Sent from my Hitachi personal massager)

Okay, first of all, that’s clever and hilarious, so thank you.

Secondly, I put it to you that testing this either results in the end of personal knowledge entirely or else an outcome that can’t be peer-reviewed. I feel like that’s a pretty hard limit on the knowledge that can be gained here.

Hello? Yes, I would like one survivorship bias, please, but could you add some physics and a little philosophy so it’s less obvious I have an untestable, maladaptive hypothesis? Oh, and coping mechanisms on half. Thanks!

In all seriousness, it’s a fun theory, but it’s unknowable at this point.

Morley and you! The smarter combination.

It really is. I guess the silver lining is that hundreds of years of smoking might at least influence our natural selection such that the average person is slightly more resistant to wildfire smoke and acetylcholine agonists/ acetylcholinesterase inhibitors. Perhaps we’ve been training for the environmental disasters and chemical warfare that climate change may bring.

I got you an AI-generated karma bot propaganda poster. No need to thank me.

Count me in. Let’s have a “The Scarlet Letter II: Internet Boogaloo.”

When you’re done, look inside for coupons for other quality products from Croft Foods and Jenny-Ralph Mills among others. You could be enjoying the satisfying crunch of Let’s potato chips and washing it down with a nice, refreshing can of Cuke, all while impressing your significant other by being such a smart shopper and protecting the family budget.

Winstons?! That’s a baby’s cigarette! And I should know because our the parent company of Morleys, Philly Mortis, used to own the Croft Food company, which has a line of baby foods. Also most pediatricians prefer Morley Juniors for the little ones anyway.

On a side note, I’ve got to appreciate the level of detail in that ad. His lighter works by rubbing two sticks together. I will never not be delighted by the Flintstones’ anachronisms.

Noice

Thank you. I’ll see myself out.

Silver screen?

Morley Turkish Golds!

Thankfully, there aren’t any ads here. Just the thought of it stresses me out, and when I get stressed out, I reach for a Morley cigarette to keep my cool. The toasted tobacco and asbestos filter make for a smoother smoke, which soothes the throat. 9 out of 10 anti-ad, Fediverse, activists choose Morleys to keep up their pep and vigor in the fight against advertisement.

You cut that out. It’s way too late for a headache right now.

Best copypasta of all time. We must always upvote these.

Okay. If that’s the convention, I’ll go with that next time. Thanks!

It’s an alternate universe in which authoritarian capitalists take over (as outlandish as that sounds).

I think something crazy would have to happen for that to be a possibility. Like, the US President would have to be taking orders from Russia or worse.